


Moon, Stars and Sunflowers (Faded Souls 1)

by Danxk



Series: Faded Souls [1]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Save my ships!, Winkdeep, samhwi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-12-10 05:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11685324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danxk/pseuds/Danxk
Summary: Samuel getting blackouts, showing Lee Daehwi in every one of them.





	1. Moon, Stars, and Sunflowers

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not good at writing. like really, i just wanted to get this scene off my mind. I had it when I listened to Say You Won't Let Go and I don't even know whose song is that, bec I've been living under a rock in the ocean floor. 
> 
> Ps. blame the 'behind the lyrics' thing on spotify for my lame story.

 

Samuel loves dancing. Dancing is his oxygen, it's what keeps him alive.

 

He practices in their school’s dance room everyday, never missing. His mom is very supportive of him, supportive of everything he does, he might not win on some dance competitions but her love and support for Samuel never wavers and that’s what keeps him on striving harder to become a professional and known dancer nationwide and someday, internationally. He’s in high school now and soon he’ll audition to an agency, so he needs to prepare himself.

 

Besides he’ll do his best to get to the music and performance school he wants to go to for an extensive training program — Daehwi would be there. Daehwi was accepted as soon as he auditioned, remembering that glorious day, he smirks to himself. Daehwi was such a _music prodigy._

 

He sets his bag down on the floor, unbuttoning his uniform, letting it slide off him. He’s left with only his undershirt. The dance room wasn’t too hot or too cold, just the right temperature to his liking. Pulling out his phone from his pocket, he went to scroll over his playlist, finding for a good warm up song while walking toward the speakers.

 

When suddenly, pausing on his tracks, he felt his chest tightening, the world spinning wildly. He grasp for anything near him, but there was nothing but air and the solid ground, felt like it turned into quicksand.

 

He couldn’t breathe, he clutched his chest as he fell to his knees. His phone fell from his hand, cluttering on the floor. He tried hard to steady his breathing but he could hardly catch up with every intake of air. Dark spots start to swim on his vision. He blinks once, twice, thrice, until he was blinking as fast as he tries to catch his breath.

 

“No,” he manages to say in between his race with oxygen.

 

“ _Daehwi_. . .” he calls his name as he slumped on the dance floor, darkness blanketing around him.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 **He’s** back again at their old house on a quiet neighborhood, it was dusk he guessed as he saw yellow-orange light dawning onto everything. The ten year old Samuel, was standing on their front yard clutching his backpack strap with a hand, he just arrived home from school. He was looking at the people who were moving their things from a truck to the house right next to where Samuel lives.

 

There were a couple with grim and tired eyes, Samuel observed.

 

From their family car which was parked in front of the house they were moving in, comes down a boy around Samuel’s age. He was smaller than Samuel, he was also wearing a face mask which covered half of his face. Samuel felt a tug at his chest when he saw the couple went inside the house, leaving the kid behind, _he should be their son right?_   he frowned. The smaller boy walked right in front of Samuel, he felt a bit annoyed at how the kid didn’t even give him a greeting or notice him.

 

“Hey!” Samuel called, the other boy halted on his tracks and looked back at Samuel’s direction. The other boy looked around first then reluctantly pointed at himself, “Yeah, you!” Samuel walked towards where the boy was standing.

 

The smaller boy took a step back making Samuel stop on his tracks, “O-Oh no, I’m not gonna do anything bad at you don’t worry.” Samuel looked down, suddenly embarrassed as the smaller kid tilts his head, observing him; he extended a hand to the smaller boy, even that small thing startled the other kid. __Is he nervous? Was he bullied?__ Samuel wondered.

 

“I’m Samuel, Kim Samuel. I just live right next door,” he looks back at their house, then at the kid, offering a smile.

 

At first the other kid was reluctant to shake his hand, “I-I’m Lee Daehwi.” his name a bit muffled from his face mask, he finally shook his hand. His voice was a higher octave than Samuel’s and he finds it cute, like _his name_. He got black pupils, it was common but Samuel thinks he saw something beneath them. Something like sadness and loneliness. He was a kid then, anything can be possible. He was wearing a jacket even though the _weather was too warm_ , all Samuel could see was the skin on the parts where the jacket couldn't cover, his skin was too pale, compared to Samuel’s, he was also skinnier, Samuel wondered if Daehwi was a picky eater.

 

He was about to rain questions on Daehwi when the front door opened and a woman about the age as his mom, was standing on the doorway, her eyes first landed on Daehwi then on Samuel then her expression turned into something that made Samuel want to pee on his pants.

 

“Get in Daehwi.” she commanded as if she was asking a dog to get out.

 

Daehwi looked at him and for that moment Samuel wanted to grab him by the wrist and take him to their house instead, because his pupils were shaking, for a glimpse, Samuel knew he was scared but not as scared as he saw Daehwi was.

 

“Daehwi.” the woman called, it was cold and firm.

 

Samuel saw how Daehwi’s shoulders shook, he gave Samuel a final glance before finally getting in. The woman immediately slammed the door shut.

 

 

 

It was Monday when Samuel saw Daehwi again. Daehwi transferred to the elementary school Samuel goes to and Samuel was glad that they were classmates. Maybe he could introduce Daehwi to some of his friends like Jihoon and Jinyoung.

 

Their teacher went in with Daehwi trailing behind her, from his seat Samuel was smiling at him, Daehwi caught it but he just looked away. Samuel frowned at the sight of Daehwi wearing his mask again. _Is he sick? He should just stay at home to rest if he is._

 

“Okay kids I’ll be introducing you to your new classmate,” The teacher looked at Daehwi probably waiting for Daehwi to introduce himself to the class, but they just stared at each other. When the teacher go it, she just said, “Okay, he is probably shy. His name is Lee Daehwi a transferee, please be good to him.” then she pointed at the seat at the back. The seat between Samuel and their classroom’s window.

 

Daehwi sat there, he was silent for most of the time. Except when he was asked to answer by their teachers and it was impressive that he answers them exactly as the teachers want to hear. _Wow, he’s smart,_ Samuel thought.

 

Samuel was an extreme outgoing kid but he was nice.

 

During lunch he asked Daehwi if he wanted to eat lunch with him. He tried to decline the offer but Samuel was already dragging him out of the room, holding him by the wrist. They were running on the corridors, they kept on running until they reached the back of the classrooms. Came into view was a large tree, offering a wide shade under it.

 

Strangely there was no one around except for two boys, who were waving at them.

 

As they reached the boys, the one with a smaller face and deep eyes, greeted them, “Hey what took you so long—Oh hi there.” taking notice of him, Daehwi suddenly felt shy and hid behind Samuel.

 

Samuel giggled, “It’s fine Daehwi, they are my friends.” Daehwi peeked at them from Samuel’s back, the two were smiling kindly at him. The other one with pinkish cheeks stepped forward tilting his head to get a better view of Daehwi, “Hi I’m Jihoon and that,” he pointed at the other boy, “He’s Jinyoung.”

 

“I-I’m Daehwi.” he introduced himself, finally stepping out of Samuel’s shadow. Jihoon and Jinyoung looked curiously at Daehwi’s mask like any other kid would. But Daehwi looked like he didn't want to talk about it, and Jihoon and Jinyoung were kind enough to leave it alone.

 

Like that they decided to have their seats under the shade of the tree, everyone opening their lunchboxes, ready to eat. Except for Daehwi, who seemed uncomfortable.

 

“Are you okay?” Samuel asked, concerned.

 

“I-I’m sorry, I’ll just go back.” Daehwi attempted to stand up but Samuel stopped him.

 

“Are you not feeling comfortable?” Samuel asked as he looked at Jihoon and jinyoung.

 

Daehwi didn’t answer.

 

“It’s okay, we’ll just eat at the other side of the tree, you two,” Jinyoung looked at Samuel and Daehwi, “eat here.” then he went on the other side of the tree with Jihoon.

 

Samuel looked at Daehwi and he saw worry in his eyes, maybe he was afraid they’re upset. Samuel gave him a tap on the shoulder assuring him that it was okay. But Daehwi scooted back as the sudden contact, startled. Samuel made a mental note not to surprise Daehwi too much.

 

Daehwi sighed taking one of his mask’s clasp off his ear, the other one hanging. Samuel still couldn’t see his face like that, but he didn’t want to push Daehwi further.

 

 

 

After school they, he and Daehwi, walk together towards home. Daehwi wouldn’t talk unless Samuel initiates the conversation. As a kid, one can’t help curiosity, so he went to ask just some basic information about Daehwi.

 

He learned that he transferred because his parent’s work place was transferred. He was their only child. He also learned that they both love music and he was glad they at least have one common interest. Daehwi told him he plays the piano and loves singing, meanwhile Samuel shared his love for dancing.

 

 

 

 

Their days went on just like that.

 

Daehwi seems to progress on his social life, he talks more and laughs more and even jokes around Jihoon and Jinyoung. But he was still eating alone or only with Samuel. He still doesn’t take off his face mask, or just partially when eating and he still wears his long sleeves even if it was the summer season already.

 

At home Daehwi rarely goes out Samuel observes, except for school.

 

One day he really wanted to play with Daehwi so he went on their front door and knocked, the ghastly looking woman opened the door, he swallowed before speaking.

 

“Where is Daehwi? Can I play with him?” he asked politely, the woman looked at him from head to toe, raising her eyebrows “He’s not here.” and just like that she slammed the door in Samuel’s face.

 

 

 

“Mom, have you ever talked to our new neighbor?” Samuel asked his mom while they were having their dinner.

 

His mom sighed, “I tried but they’re just the type of people who don’t want others on their lives.” she ruffled Samuel’s hair, “Why?” she asked.

 

“Nothing mom.” Samuel answered as he tried to pick the peas on his plate with his chopsticks.

 

“Ah, is this about their son? Do you want to play with him?” She asked smiling at him.

 

 

Samuel looked up with a pout, obviously worried, “Yes, but his mom is scary. It feel like he’s taken hostage by an evil witch mom, I want to help him.” Other parents would tell their child not to talk ill about other people, but his mom only laughed, amused at his son. _I want to be his knight in shining armor._

 

“Hmm, well I observe them go out during the day then get home at around five or six in the evening.” she winked at him, oh how thankful he was to have a  mom like her. She’s cool and awesome and all the good things, Samuel couldn’t ask for more.

 

“Mom, I love you sooooo much.” Then he went to kiss her on the cheek.

 

 

 

 

 

“Samuel?” Daehwi called as he opened the door, he looked around behind Samuel before finally looking back at him, “What are you doing here?” he sounded nervous as if they were just about to get busted for doing something bad.

 

 _Why is he still wearing his mask even at home?_ Samuel’s curiosity is dangerously pushed to the tip.

 

“Let’s play Daehwi.” Samuel said cheerfully, showing the soccer ball he was holding. But his tone and eyes says that he's not just there to ask the smaller to play.

 

“I can’t. . .” Daehwi refused. But Samuel intently looked at him straightly. Curios eyes boring into him.

 

Samuel could see how Daehwi gets _it_ , “Come on inside.”

 

_A ton of questions are on the rim, just a touch and they’ll flow freely._

 

 

 

 

 

“Sammy, I’m about to show you something you shouldn’t let anyone know. . .” Daehwi looked at him as he sits on the bed beside Daehwi. _Sammy_ , Samuel smiles to himself.

 

Daehwi’s room was neat.

 

Too neat to his liking, it was almost bare. A bed, a table and a chair and his closet and nothing more. It was painted white Samuel could remember clearly, it was cold and lonely and he wondered how could Daehwi spend his days and nights in there.

 

 

“Not even to Jihoon and Jinyoung?” Samuel asked.

 

Daehwi frantically shook his head. Samuel saw he was a bit shaking, “Daehwi you don’t have to. . .” They were kids, they were ten and he was curious no matter how he feels guilty for barging in and wanting to get a touch of Daehwi’s life.

 

All this time, all the things Daehwi lets him know weren’t the whole truth. There was something deeper, something that makes him caught up with the kind of family Daehwi has, why does he wear long sleeves on summer and a mask when he denied that he was sick.

 

“Samuel, promise me. . .” Daehwi said, “Promise me you won’t tell anyone.” he made Samuel pinky promise.

 

Then slowly, hesitantly he pulled his mask off. Samuel swallowing.

 

Samuel stood up and could only gasp from the bed as soon as he saw the lower half of Daehwi’s face. He didn't know what to say. The sight in front of him made him forget all the words he learned.

Half of Daehwi's face was always covered, he thought he’d see a skin full of disease or something hideous and he wouldn’t care because they are friends and Daehwi was taken hostage by a witch a.k.a his mom.

 

What he didn’t expect was too see a beautiful face, a beautiful pair of lips with bruises and cuts. They looked even new, he might have gotten some of them just this morning or just last night. And just then did he notice the red spot on the white of Daehwi’s right eye, right at the edge, it takes one to take a good look at him to even notice.  But Samuel saw _everything_ , everything he wanted to see of Daehwi but it was remorse and hatred and sadness that swelled on his chest. Nothing like the happiness and excitement he thought he’d have once Daehwi lets him see his face fully. Because he had always thought Daehwi was _beautiful, inside out._

 

He took a good look of Daehwi’s entire figure, his body was frail and thin. His skin pale, his veins threatening to show. And Samuel _wondered_ , wondered what else could Daehwi hide under those sleeves and pants. More bruises? More cuts? Deep scars? A fresh wound?

 

 

 

He was beautiful, seeing his face fully like this.

 

But Samuel wanted nothing but to run home, hug his mom and cry. And tell her that the world was _horrible and unfair._

 

Daehwi was beautiful entirely. Despite his bruised face and newly cut lips he was _smiling_ at Samuel but it wasn’t the smile Samuel wanted. Samuel never wanted to see Daehwi smile for the first time with a hurt and crying face.

 

He wanted to hug Daehwi tell him he’ll take him away from his terrible parents and away from all the bad things in the world.

 

But he was just ten. Powerless, voiceless, weak.

 

He took steps toward Daehwi, feeling his knees wobbly, he knelt on the floor with a loud thud. There he cried in front of Daewhi. Wailing at how the world was a horrible and evil place in between sobs. He screamed at how much he wants the world to just end. Letting all his feelings and tears out. A flood of memories takes his mind, he remembers how he and his mom was driven out by his father who chose another woman over his caring and loving mom. They had nowhere to go, they spent their first few nights on the street with nothing but the clothes they were wearing. No matter how hard it was, his mom didn’t cry and always reminded Samuel to be strong and brave. The next day they found a small restaurant needing a helper, her mom worked there for the rest of their days, earning enough money to find a place to live.

 

His brain turned fuzzy, when he tried to recall why he was crying, he would tell himself he didn’t know and he didn't care because his heart hurts, his whole body aches.

 

He felt a pair of arms encircle around him, warm and protective. _But I should be the one protecting you,_ Samuel wanted to protest but he choked on his words.

 

He doesn’t understand the world. And he doesn’t feel like wanting to.

 

_Daehwi was smart and kind and sweet, he would even give Samuel’s mom some flowers sometimes in exchange for the lunch she packs for Daehwi when Samuel told her that Daehwi doesn’t have much food for lunch and sometimes he doesn’t even have lunch. Daehwi tries to tell him that he just forgot to bring his lunch box but it was too often and his friends concluded to themselves that Daehwi was lying like most people do when they avert their gaze from the person they’re lying to._

_Ever since_ _, Samuel’s mom would cook extra food and ask Samuel to deliver it by the window. He asked his mom to move his room, so he’d just be a window away from Daehwi’s room._

_He’d find Daehwi lying there on his bed sometimes or reading the books Samuel guessed, he has already read._

_He’d knock on Daehwi’s window with a long thick stick, Daehwi would look up and Samuel smiles at how his eyes seemed to sparkle at the sight of Samuel or food. Samuel would wait for Daehwi to finish his food, watching him. Samuel would sometimes wonder how many times does Daehwi eat in a day._

_“If I could, I would love to adopt him.” his mom would say, but they both knew it was impossible, his mom doesn’t actually have a stable job, barely supporting Samuel’s expenses on his dance classes._

_“Why do they keep him if they’re just kill him of hunger?” Samuel asked, upset._

_“I don’t know Sam, I don’t know.”_

 

 

Samuel remembers clearly how bright and warming Daehwi’s laugh sounds. And he hugged Daehwi tighter against himself, two small figures trying to protect each other from all the harm of the terrible world.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Samuel gasps as his eyes flutter open. He looked around. He was still in the practice room, he filled his lungs with air.

 

“Daehwi. . .” tears escaping his eyes.

 

 

After seconds of pondering on the ceiling, lying on the cold floor. With weak knees he got himself up, with shaking hands he called Jinyoung, wiping his tear stained face.

 

While his phone on his ear, he helped himself to walk out of the dance room with knees wobbly. And tears threatening to get loose again and flood his entirety with sadness and despair.

“Hey—” Jinyoung answered on the other line.

 

With his dry throat, “Where are you?” he hastily asked, hearing the urgency in his voice Jinyoung answered as soon as he can.

 

“At a cake shop that opened last week the one beside Donghyun hyung’s family restaurant—”

 

“Please meet at Yoo Hospital.” he didn’t let the older finish and hang up, he made a mental note to apologize later.

 

He started sprinting out of the building, out of the school, on the streets.

 

Then he saw a familiar figure meeting him the older’s face brighten as he saw Samuel. He ran faster towards Jihoon, making the older confused but as Samuel came nearer he saw his eyes brimmed with red and his face full of both sorrow and determination.

 

“Jihoon hyung—” but he didn’t finish as he collapsed on Jihoon’s shoulder as soon as he reached him. _Darkness enveloping_ him again. A sob stuck on his chest.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 **“Do** you believe in _soul mates_  Sammy?” Daehwi asked as he winced when Samuel dabs the bag of ice right at the edge of his lips.

 

Samuel, guiltily, was getting used to it. Daehwi showing up on  their front steps with face full of bruise and red marks almost every other day.

 

It’s been a six years since he’d discovered Daehwi’s state.

 

His parents abusing him and he had told no one, as he promised. Jihoon and Jinyoung questioned it, knowing that they are hiding something, but they still chose not to reveal it. It was a sensitive topic which sets off the atmosphere, but at some point, Jihoon and Jinyoung left it alone.

 

But a night came, his mom who discovered the two treating Daehwi’s cuts at Samuel’s room. Other parents would barge them with questions, but what Samuel’s mom did was to run across the room to Daehwi and encased him with a warm hug, seconds later Daehwi was crying on her arms. Telling them both that he hasn’t experienced a motherly hug, that it was his first and Samuel’s mom, after a long time, cried.

 

 

His mom, to his surprise, wasn’t shocked when Daehwi told her how he got the injuries.

 

“Every night, when everyone else is sleeping I hear you muffling your screams and crying.”

 

Samuel was about to ask her why he hasn’t reported them to the police. She just politely said that Daehwi could have, and with his injuries as evidence he could send them to jail as soon as he reports them.

 

“I can’t. I need stable financial support for school.” Samuel’s mom would just smile kindly and joke, “We have the same problems here, I see.” then she’d look lovingly at Samuel.

 

His mom understood, Daehwi could’ve worked his way to studying but he was too young and no entrepreneur would want to be jailed for a petty reason of hiring an underage.

 

“There are student supports from organizations, even student loans.”

 

“I need my parents’ permission.They’d take it as a hint that I’m trying to runaway and they would—” he choked on his words. Looking at his bruised arm then smiling bitterly at them. “I’m just waiting, waiting until I’m on legal age, right then I can work and live on my own.” looking up to them, trying to give his brightest smile, but failed.

 

“Daehwi,” she called, “You are always welcome in our home.”

 

Since then, Daehwi would spend his nights at Samuel’s house whenever his parents aren’t around for a few days. Samuel’s bed was enough for the two of them. They would sometimes talk about random things while staring at the ceiling. Daehwi suddenly would talk about how he forgot about how he end up with such parents who know nothing but hurt him and make him feel unwanted.

 

Silence, then Samuel tries up to light up the mood by opening the topic about which school would they want to attend to and what career do they want to pursue.

 

Samuel surely love it when Daehwi, lying next to him, would cheerfully talk about his plans and dreams. Samuel saw how his eyes sparkle as he talked as if the _stars_ themselves were on his eyes.

 

Then, right there, in his room with their arms brushing. He knew he didn’t like Daehwi for just a friend.

 

Suddenly, a warm feeling spreads from his wrist to his whole arm until he was writhing in pain silently in his sheets as he clutched to where the pain had began. Daehwi frantically asking him what was the matter, where does it hurt and he hates it that he was happy to see Daehwi’s worried eyes on him. But the pain pulled him back, his lungs felt like he just inhaled a mouthful of warm smoke. Black spots clouding his vision, he clutched at the sheets trying to hold on to dear life as the pain, finally, slowly recedes from where it came from.

 

He sat up weakly but Daehwi was there to help him lean his back on the wall. As soon as he felt like he was back to his normalcy, he filled his lungs with the cold air as if he might run out of oxygen. Daehwi was there, pushing his matted hair out of his forehead, his warm and rough hand felt good on his skin, he thought. He didn’t feel that he’d been sweating throughout the struggle.

 

“Oh my god,” he muttered making Daehwi chuckle, he raised his wrist, “What the hell just happ—oh my god!” he took a good look at his wrist, even getting his phone to light it up.

 

There on his wrist, just beside his pulse, was a _mark_ that looked like a tattoo except that Samuel wasn’t a tattoo kind of guy. It wasn’t that he was against tattoos but he’d rather save his money than spend it on a permanent mark on his skin which would send him to detention at school.

 

“Do you like it?” Daehwi asking as if he knew something Samuel didn’t.

 

With wide eyes he faced his friend who was smiling, the cuts on his lips were still there reminding him of how vulnerable he was, “Dude, I’m not getting mad at you but, DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?” Samuel didn’t even know where did he get the idea of Daehwi putting a mark on his skin when Daehwi hasn’t even touched him until he was suffering in pain.

 

Daehwi let out his high pitched laugh which made Samuel feel a tug on his chest.

 

Samuel patiently waited for Daehwi to finish his laugh session, “No Sammy. It’s uh. . .” he hesitated, then raised his wrist for Samuel to see, then he slowly tugged his sleeves up.

 

“A _soul mates mar _k__?” Samuel couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

 

There on Daehwi’s pale skin, etched with a dark ink not more than an inch was a crescent moon and inside—on the space where the rest of the moon should be—was a star filling the empty space.

 

Samuel put his wrist right beside Daehwi’s and saw that they had the same marks.

 

They were indeed soul mates.

 

No matter how unbelieving Samuel was, of soul mates, fate and destiny, he found himself smiling at the sight of the mark. A thing to remind him that Daehwi was there for him, he was there for Daehwi. He was over the moon, and he thought he was even beyond cloud nine.

 

Then he couldn’t help it, he pulled Daehwi for a hug. It was a normal warm hug, or it should have been. Except that Samuel, knowing that Daehwi was his soul mate, felt different during the hug. He pulled back, holding Daehwi by his shoulders. He looked at him, under the moon light from his window, he could tell that Daehwi was still as beautiful as he was under the light of the sun.

 

His eyes were soft as he met Samuel’s gaze, his cheeks were slightly tinted with red—or was it just a trick of the light or his imagination was playing at him—his lips slightly apart.

 

His lips, Samuel swallowed as he looked at them.

 

A cut on the edge of his lower lip, but all in all he was beautiful.

 

“Samuel. . .” Samuel has never really considered that his name could be as endearing as it sounds when Daehwi calls it.

 

“Daehwi,” he inched forward, “Can—” he struggled on his words, with a finally sigh he decided he can’t back down then, “Can I kiss—” but before he could even finish Daehwi has already pressed their lips together.

 

Warmth spreading through his entire existence. His eyes fluttering shut, savoring the moment, he could feel his heart thumping hard against his chest he was afraid Daehwi would hear it. Butterflies on his stomach fluttering as he moved. Starting an innocent and soft kiss, Daehwi kissed him back. He leaned back to look at him, Daehwi just smiled at him. It was one of the few best smiles Daehwi gave him.

 

“Oh, you grow up so fast.” startled, the two boys scrambled away from each other.

 

“Mom, how long have you been there?” Samuel asked as he could feel blood rushing to his face, of all the days his mom could bust him, why now?

 

Smiling, she said, “Just long enough to see you both try to melt each other with a staring contest. Come down and let’s have dinner.” then jsut like that she was gone and the two new soul mates found themselves holding each other’s hands as they went down for dinner.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jihoon felt and heard Samuel’s sharp intake of air as he was still leaning on his shoulder. It only took a few seconds of black out and Jihoon was aware what happened. Panic flooded his mind. He took Samuel by the shoulder to take a good look on him,  he was crying. Only Daehwi’s name was coming out of his mouth.

 

He knew Samuel was too weak and dazed so he grabbed his wrist and they ran.

 

Running, running.

 

All their lives they’ve been trying to runaway from that moment, the moment when they get to have a vision of their soulmate.

 

A black car suddenly stops in front of the two as they were about to cross the street, stopping them, the window rolled down revealing Jinyoung on the shuttle seat, Jihoon immediately got the message and didn’t hesitate to open the passenger door and shove Samuel inside.

 

On the driver’s seat was Minhyun. As soon as Jihoon closed the door Minhyun drove his car as if they were chasing tomorrow.

 

Jihoon looked at Samuel, “Samuel are you okay?”

 

But before Samuel could even answer and tell him that he’s not and he’s not sure if he’ll ever be fine again the lights on his eyes died again and he was back at his unending trail of past.

 

This time, he was glad to hear Daehwi’s voice in his mind again.

 

* * *

 

 

 **“Sammy** , don't you think we should at least tell Jihoon and Jinyoung about this?” Daehwi asked as he waved his marked wrist on Samuel’s face.

 

Samuel gave it a thought, there was nothing bad about telling the two the soulmate thing which Samuel still couldn’t believe was true.

 

He shrugged, “I don’t find it a bad idea.” They decided to tell their friends during lunch.

 

They chose to go to the same High School. At the back of the school building, they found a place to eat their lunch. There were few trees behind the school building, but enough to give them shade during lunch. Just like when they were kids, the four still eat together. The only big progress is that Daehwi could face them now. But he still wears long sleeves.

 

As they grew up, Daehwi’s bruises got lesser and lesser and Samuel was the happiest about it. Daehwi told him that his parents were too busy to even take their anger and frustration out of him.

 

Daehwi also learned of makeup. It was a girls’ thing but he needed it, he wear concealers and the likes to cover his bruises.

 

 

Samuel cleared his throat as they finished eating, “Uh guys,” he looked at Daehwi reluctantly, “We have something to tell you actually.”

 

“Oh wow, nice timing because we also have something to tell you.” Jihoon said, smiling.

 

Samuel was chuckling as he looked at everyone, “Why do I have the feeling that we all have the same thing to confess?” everyone smiled.

 

“Then, how ‘bout we do it all at once?” Jinyoung suggested.

 

“In three, two. . .” Daehwi counted, Samuel was glad that he was excited about it.

 

In the count of one, they all held out their wrists—marked wrists.

 

Samuel saw Jihoon and Jinyoung got the same marks—a wave of water with a small sun on top.

 

“They said soul mate marks gives form to what you think your soulmate is like, when you meet him or her.” Jihoon said, smiling as he glaced down on their group of marked wrists.

 

Jihoon then explained that he think Jinyoung was like water, can be warm and cold but soothing. He even joked that, with a smirk _ _,__  Jinyoung also quenches his __thirst,__ which earned him confused looks from Daehwi and Samuel. Jinyoung gave him a playful punch in the arm, before finally saying that he thinks of Jihoon as sun because he was always shining bright.  Despite clouds trying to hide his light, he’d still find a way to shine.

 

 

 

On their way home Samuel could no longer help but ask Daehwi why was he the _moon_? Surely the star on their mark was Samuel’s idea of Daehwi hanging the stars on his eyes and that he was beautiful that way, with the stars shining brightly on his eyes despite the cold and dark night.

 

But Daehwi would just smile meaningfully at him and tell him, “It’s a secret.” leaving Samuel as disgruntled as ever.

 

“But what else is there? I mean about being soul mates?” Samuel asked, other people even kids would know much more than he does on soul mates, but Samuel never believed in them that he never cared about learning it.

 

Daehwi pouts and was about to say something when Samuel suddenly pecked him on the lips, he was too cute. Blushing, Daehwi would tell him about subtle and privacy and Samuel would cheekily apologize, not entirely sorry about kissing Daehwi on the streets.

 

Sighing, Daehwi told him a thing about being soul mates. A thing that he still thinks was terrible and harsh but has never given a though of—not until earlier when he experienced it, not once not twice but multiple of times up to the moment.

 

It was the sole reason why they were in a hurry, running, chasing the thing they’re all afraid of.

 

* * *

 

 

When he opened his eyes, Samuel saw the white corridors of a hospital and felt himself bouncing up and down, he leaned back and saw Minhyun’s back. He was on a piggyback ride with Minhyun carrying him, Jihoon and Jinyoung on their sides running as well.

 

The corridor was too achingly familiar to Samuel.

 

After his daily practice on the school’s dance room, he walks these corridors, always carrying a sunflower on his hand that the other patients and nurses refer to him as the sunflower boy.

 

Minhyun slowed down his pace as he was a few feet away from their destination.

 

Samuel saw a couple of nurses going in and out of the room. “Hyung. . .” He called and Minhyun understood, he let Samuel slid off him.

 

But as he did, the terrifying darkness came again, and he knew it was the last and most excruciating wave of painful recalling.

Collapsing to himself, he felt a couple of arms catching him before he hits the cold floor.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 **Samuel** was happier than Daehwi when Daehwi told him that his parents are finally moving out, leaving Daehwi behind. But he wasn’t alone of course, he has Samuel and his mom with him.

 

He no longer had to wait til he’s eighteen to get himself off his abusive parents, it was earlier and better.

 

His parents were transferred again but Daehwi managed to convinced them to leave him behind, his parents considered it as a good riddance of annoyance and burden. Leaving only a card for Daehwi to send money to.

 

They hangout more often and they kiss more.

 

 

Samuel saw the progress, Daehwi knows how to cook but he still eats at Samuel’s home which felt like more his home than the cold and lonely ones next door which Daehwi chose to leave. He was starting to gain weight, as he wear thinner layers of concealers because he no longer get bruises. He was also gaining a healthy skin color, and his blushes became more visible whenever Samuel kisses him or holds his hand or tell him sweet nothings or hug him tight.

 

Samuel was beyond happy. His mom saw their marked wrists and gladly understood and congratulated them. They were soul mates she reminded, but that didn’t mean they could go all the way. Both boys thinking of it, flushed a bright color of red, she told them to keep it at slow pace and just cherish every moment of their childhood and Samuel would protest that they were no longer children and his mom would playfully smack him on the arm telling him that he still eat gummy bears on the bed.

 

Everything was perfect.

 

At some point Samuel was still afraid, scared that something terrible might go wrong after all the good things happening.

 

And he was right.

 

They were laying in his bed as usual when Daehwi suddenly complained of hard breathing and chest pain. Samuel also observes how Daehwi could barely sleep at night and focus on studying with a series of coughs.

 

The hope in him that was built a few weeks ago started to crumble as Daehwi’s skin seep out of color again. He lost weight quicker than he gained them.

 

And Samuel knew something was off.

 

Daehwi didn’t like the idea of it, said he was just feeling stressed on the incoming exams. Samuel was concerned but he can’t force Daehwi into anything.

 

He just let Daehwi off.

 

But Daehwi’s fever comes too often or doesn’t go down as soon as it should be. Samuel’s mom had to force Daehwi to visit a doctor and right there on the nearest hospital, Doctor Yoo informed them of Daehwi’s Acute lymphocytic leukemia.

 

The doctor gave them a quick explanation as to what illness Daehwi was under. While Daehwi was sleeping peacefully in the hospital.

 

Acute lymphotcytic leukemia is a blood cancer that results when abnormal white blood cells accumulate in the bone marrow. It progresses rapidly, replacing healthy cells that produce functional lymphocytes with leukemia cells. The leukemia cells are carried in the bloodstream to other organs and tissues, where they continue to grow and divide. The growing, dividing and spreading of these leukemia cells may result in a number of possible symptoms, like bruising, persistent fever, fatigue and bleeding; all of which and some more, Daehwi did experience.

Samuel felt his world crumbling. Just as when everything was getting perfect, fine and good here comes the hurricane to take it all away from him.

Samuel, could barely here the doctor speak as his mind was going to a world where no Daehwi exists and he can’t, he couldn’t think of himself living without Daehwi.

 

“...Treatment for acute lymphotcytic leukemia may include chemotherapy. . .” he caught only a trail of the doctor's statement. Samuel knew what chemotherapy was like, he has seen too many movies to not know how it drains everything out of a person.

He didn’t want Daehwi to experience that but if that was what it takes for him to stay, then he’d be fine with it as long as Daehwi is, too.

Samuel’s mom left that evening, to take some clothes for Daehwi as she calls for his parents.

 

When his parents arrived the next day they were not too thankful to see Samuel there holding their child’s hand, when their eyes went to Daehwi’s sleeping figure, he saw annoyance and nothing more.

 

He wanted to shout at them, tell them that they were the worst parents and Daehwi didn’t deserve them. But his mom was already dragging him out of the scene.

 

It was lunch when Samuel saw Daehwi’s parents leave the room, he immediately went inside. Daehwi was there, sitting on his bed, his back leaning on the headboard of his hospital bed. He was looking at the sinking sun through the window.

“The sun is beautiful but I can't wait to see the stars and the moon." Daehwi spoke quietly as Samuel went to sit beside him on the bed, leaning his head on Daehwi’s shoulder.

“My stars is here and your moon is here.” Samuel said.

“My moon, you're always there, i know” Daehwi said as he took Samuel’s hand and intertwined it with his. Their hands perfectly fitting. Samuel didn’t say a thing. He just wanted to feel Daehwi next to him, warm and comforting.

 

Daehwi dropped out of school, but his application for the agency he auditioned for wasn’t terminated. Samuel knew that there was a slight chance of Daehwi making it, and he’d cry his heart out every night at the thought. They had plans, they’d make a name in the music industry. And now a terrible illness was taking all of their dreams away. He buries his face on his pillow as he muffles his sobs.

 

The pillows and sheets smelled like Daehwi. The sweet kind of smell that will make you think of strawberry flavored cakes and orange juice. He was sweet, in and out. In his bed, they made out more times than Samuel could even count. They shared their dreams, smiles and laughs on that bed. He choked on a sob. Their hands intertwined, Daehwi, asleep, scooting closer to Samuel, and Samuel getting Daehwi to his arms.

The next days came and Samuel never misses to visit Daehwi. He’d bring him fruits and stories about his day. Trying to light up Daehwi’s mood. When night comes, they’d watch the stars and the moon through his window, Samuel would brush his hands over Daehwi’s mark and bug him again on why did Daehwi see him as the moon but Daehwi would just smile. He’d stay on Daehwi’s room, when Daehwi finally falls asleep he would carefully remove his arm under Daehwi’s head and silently goes out of the room, leaving a sweet kiss on Daehwi’s forehead, lips and cheek.

 

One night, when Samuel was about to exit Daehwi’s room he heard him call his name, he thought Daehwi was sleeptalking but when he looked back the smaller’s eyes were open, “Samuel. . .”

Samuel, without hesitation, walked back to Daehwi’s bed, “Are you okay? Do you need me to call the nurse?” he asked, sitting down on the hospital bed.

Daehwi shook his head, “Can you bring me sunflowers tomorrow?” he asked.

 

Smiling, Samuel nodded and kissed Daehwi on the forehead, “Good night Daehwi.”

 

The next day, it was Saturday which means Samuel would spend a whole day with Daehwi. He placed the sunflowers on a small vase, he bought them on a flower shop while he was on his way to the hospital. Samuel suddenly remembered the couple who owned the flower shop, he didn’t mean it but he saw their wrists before the stockier guy left his boyfriend. Their wrists were mark with what looked like an orange and beside it, was a peach. He found it strange but cute at the same time. Then dread dawned on him, would they reach that age, him and Daehwi? Are they gonna grow old together? Samuel shook his head, they better be, because they’re soul mates afterall.

He was snatched from his reverie when Daehwi called him, “Sammy. . .” he said it in a cute way that Samuel was already smiling before he turned and saw Daehwi pouting while laying on his bed hugging a pillow.

Samuel walked towards him and pried the pillow off Daehwi’s arms the other pouted even more, Samuel chuckled and pecked Daehwi on his lips, “I should be the only one you’re hugging.” Samuel said, plopping himself next to Daehwi.

They cuddled and Samuel noticed Daehwi’s scent was so faint that day. Everyday Samuel notices how the light and life on Daehwi’s eyes are slowly fading. Weeks after the chemotherapy he’d also started wearing a beanie. Samuel looked down at Daehwi who’s hugging him, his eyelashes were almost gone too. Samuel resisted the great urge to weep right there in front of him. He noticed every change in Daehwi, and it took his all to come there everyday to witness him slowly fade away from him.

 

“Are those my sunflowers?” Daehwi exclaimed, looking at the sunflowers placed on his bed table.

“Yes, sunflowers for someone who shines brighter than the sun.”

Daehwi looked up at him and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you Sammy, thank you.”

 

He didn’t ask why he chose the sunflowers, he assumed that sunflowers looked like sun themselves, they might’ve symbolize hope and tomorrow for Daehwi and he was more than glad to grant Daehwi’s wishes.

 

Every visit, Samuel could feel his steps getting heavier and heavier each time. Takes him a harder try and more guts to see Daehwi’s life seeping out right in front of him. His fist dangerously clenching on the sunflowers he had in hand.

 

 

It was on their literature class that he heard his teacher mention sunflowers and what they symbolize, “. . .the sunflower is the Greek symbol of Clytie who turned into a sunflower after grieving over the loss of her love, the god Apollo. The mythological symbolism here is that Clytie, in the form of a sunflower, always faces the sun, looking for Apollo's chariot to return and she might be joined again with her love.”

He continued, “The sunflower moves itself in the most direct position in front of the sun so it can get the maximum sun rays. This is symbol of Long life, mainly since most varieties stand in full bloom for months. . .” Samuel attention was suddenly caught when he met his teacher’s eyes, his teacher smiled warmly at him.

Samuel could only catch some of his words, “. . .also symbolizes, feelings of adoration, admiration. . .loyalty. . .strong bond between two people, as represented by the strong and upright stem.” He couldn’t have known it if weren’t for Jinyoung, sitting next to him, handed him a handkerchief, smiling. Samuel touched his cheeks with the back of his hand and found them wet with tears, he gladly accepted the handkerchief and wiped his tears as he listened more to Teacher Sewoon as he continued on his lecture, “. . .seeking out positivity and strength, as the bloom turns to face the sun. . .brightening your mood, through the vibrancy of the yellow or orange petals. And then, good luck and _ _lasting happiness. . ."__

Their class ended and Samuel was the last one to exit the room, he suddenly felt a warm hand on his shoulder, he looked back and saw their Teacher Sewoon, “Samuel, I know you’re having a hard time knowing you’re the closest to Daehwi. But I, we, all want you to be happy, if not for yourself at least for Daehwi. He wouldn’t like to see you like this. I know this is cliché but I just want you to know.” then he was gone.

Samuel was left standing glued to the ground on the corridor, alone. He sudddenly wanted to chase off his teacher and ask him what had he meant.

But he knew, they all knew, the whole world knew what was bound to happen.

 

* * *

 

 

Just like that, light came conquering the darkness again, Jihoon’s face came into view and the familiar sterile scent and cold air in the hospital was back.

He was weak, but he tried to stand up clutching tightly at Jihoon’s shoulder. Jinyoung was afraid he’d tear off his boyfriend’s shirt.

 

Then he was walking, Jinyoung and Jihoon at his sides and Minhyun right behind him.

A few steps to Daehwi’s room.

 

Five more steps.

Nurses going in and out, apparatuses on their hands. Whispering in urgent hushed tones.

 

Four more steps.

Jihoon and Jinyoung telling him it was alright, he can do it. They can make it. The door was shut closed. __W__ _ _hat’s happening?__  He tried to quicken his steps.

 

Three more steps.

He saw an image of his mom hugging the five year old him in the darkness, the sound of rushing river in front of him. They were spending the night under the bridge.

 

Two more steps.

Minhyun telling him no one is giving up.

 

One last more step.

One step to Daehwi.

He gripped the door knob, no one was stopping him.

_I’ll apologize to him first, for not bringing his favorite sunflowers. For not being there at night, when the air was cold and he was alone in this goddamn hospital, in their fuck up house, in this stupid terrible world. But I’ll never ask him to forgive me, for being selfish enough to tell him that he needs to fight, and that I needed him to stay._

He pushed the door open.

Just in time to see, Daehwi facing the door, give him the sweetest and warmest smile.

 

Before finally closing his eyes.

 

He remembered that one night, when Daehwi told him the last thing he needed to learn about the soul mates deal.

Looking at each other’s eyes, Daehwi said, “You get to see a recollection of times with your soul mate when he’s seconds away from death.”

 

Samuel could feel himself collapsing, his world crumbling and hearing nothing but his own wails and sobs as he called on Daehwi’s name. But he knew he’d never hear Daehwi’s sweet voice again as he calls him, Sammy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 **The** next days Samuel refused to go to school, his teachers and friends seemed to understand and let him. The Lee family held the funeral and burial in Seoul. __It was better, Samuel thought at least my last image of him was a smiling one, smiling at me.__

 

He just lies on his bed all day, he’d just catch himself crying while staring at nothing. He had his fair share of the unpleasantness of the world and he was just sixteen, is there even more dreadful than losing your soul mate whom you had planned the future with?

 

A knock on his door snapped him back, “Samuel?” his mom called.

 

He raised his head, and looked at her and he thought he could exactly see how he looked like by the way his mom looks at him at the moment—miserable.

 

Walking towards his bed, his mom sits herself on his bed, “You know how much I hate the couple next door and you’re not helping on stopping me from bombarding them right now.” his mom says, tugging a small smile on his lips.

 

He cups his face with a hand, “Oh my Samuel.” he leans into the comforting warm of his mom’s hand, and cried.

 

“Mom why is this world so unfair? I loved him, we were meant to spend our lives together. We,” he sobbed, “We were planning the good life our bastard dads couldn’t give us. Mom. . .” he called, and his mom would just shush him gently, “He even told me to never leave you alone even if we get to live somewhere else. He said we’ll take you with us. . . Mom. . . Daehwi. . . I loved him so much. . .” his mom cried with him. “I know Samuel, I know.”

 

They stayed like that for a long moment.

 

At some point, Samuel stopped crying but crying for days were evident on his eyes.

 

His mom took him to her arms, feeling like a small kid again, vulnerable, powerless.

 

She pulled back, wiping his remaining tears with his thumb, “A mail came for you.” then she pulled out a white envelope behind her. Samuel took it and stared at it, his mom silently left.

 

There wasn’t a returning address written, he was debating whether to open it or not. But he did open it anyway. He needed some distraction he thought to himself, at least for a moment

 

Inside was a paper folded into two, it was a prescription paper. Oddly, from the same hospital Daehwi was confined in. Then it dawned into him, he unfolded the paper immediately.

 

His tears were threatening to come out again as he saw Daehwi’s familiar handwriting.

 

He looked up, preparing himself to what Daehwi had to tell him through the letter. He had no idea what it could be.

 

Looking down, staring at the paper, finally starting to read the short letter.

 

It was dated five days ago, same day when Daehwi left Samuel the smile he had always wanted to see on Daehwi, same day when he also had to see that smile for the first and last time.

 

_Sammy!!!_

__

He could imagine the cheerful and energetic Daehwi when his parents finally left him to Samuel and his mom’s care.

 

 _ _“_ I’m not quite sure when will you receive this, but I know it will be the day when you no longer have to go to the hospital and bring me the prettiest sunflowers.” _Samuel inhaled, keeping himself from crying so he wouldn’t ruin the letter.

_“I know you’re ruining your life right now and I hate it that I know you way too much to predict this much. Sammy, you’ve been really curios as to why did I choose the moon as you. And this is entirely what this letter is about. I’m sorry if it’s too short, but I’ve been really getting tired easily these days._

_I was your stars and you were my moon._

_Despite the darkness of the night, we both shine together._

_We may not always be visible on the dark sky but at least one knows that the other is still there._

_You’re my moon, I may or may not always see you, you may or may not change but you’re always there. Watching me through the darkest, coldest and loneliest night and day. Just like how slowly the moon changes its shape, you’ve also changed my life._

_Samuel, don’t make yourself miserable or try to think of taking your life because it won’t take me back. And they said that when you’re finally in the paradise, you’ll forget everything. You start at day one again._

_I may or may not forget about you, but I don’t want you to forget about me. But you will Sammy, you will. Please live healthy and happy Samuel, I’m sorry if I left you, I was unfair I know. But I’m getting tired, I want to have a rest too. I know this is not the kind of farewell thing you like, I’m tired as I am sorry for almost everything Sammy._

_My last wish would be for you not toforget about me, always and always remember that I love you. But as my other wishes are, I know this wouldn't be granted._

_What the hell are you saying Daehwi?_ Samuel thought.

 

_And oh, I almost forgot, the mark—our marks, the last thing I told you about wasn’t really the last thing to learn about soul mates._

_When the other half dies, the mark goes with it slowly, so are the feelings and memories. Not only to the other soul, but also with the people involved with the faded one. The mark will disappear and so will the other soul’s existence even in the memories._

_Your stars,_

_Daehwi.”_

Like that, the next days and weeks and months came. As time passes by, so does his mark fades, then a time came when Samuel would remember a name but not _whom does it belong to or who Daehwi was._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to hmu on twitter @micheotji_


	2. [!!!]

NOT an UPDATE but an ANNOUNCEMENT.

\+ PLEASE READ +

[!!!] Hello everyone! So apparently there will be a  **WANNA ONE FANFICTION AWARDS**. You can now visit your  **favorite stories and authors**  and  **nominate**  them on the awarding.

 _Here's the link for more info:_  
[wannaoneffawards.tumblr.com](https://wannaoneffawards.tumblr.com)

**SPREAD THE WORD !!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do participate :)
> 
> *lowkey hopes to get nominated*

**Author's Note:**

> I finished it the same day Samuel debuts yay! Congratulations Kim Samuel, you've worked so hard, you deserve all the love and support in the world.
> 
> Ps. I didn't add major character death as warning, that spoils the fun.
> 
> Pps. As much as i want to write more and more and more, school is about to start and I'm not sure if I can still post stories or updates soon, if I can it might take a long long time :( this makes me sad sm.
> 
> hmu on: [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/micheotji_)  
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/danxk_)
> 
>  
> 
> hmu on twt: micheotji_ // curiouscat.me/danxk


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